The 13 Stages of Navigating a Coffee Shop

Ah, the coffee shop.

  1. You make your way to the door and begin to open it. It appears to be stuck, but there is actually just a very tall man standing directly behind it, because the café is so crowded inside. You realise this only after trying to open the door into his back for a minute or so. You hope that he is too far from the ground to have noticed.
  2. You’re in!
  3. Do you just sit down, or is this one of those coffee shop/ food hybrid places where you’re supposed to wait to be seated?
  4. Not that it makes much difference, there are no tables anyway.
  5. To leave, or to hover expectantly, in the hopes that someone will take pity on your awkward looking soul?
  6. You hovered, it worked. The nice old couple by the window let you in. Thank you, nice old couple.
  7. Now, does someone come to take your order, or do you go up to the counter? So many questions. You stare longingly at the cake.
  8. You wait for a while, occasionally endeavouring to catch a waiter’s eye by sitting up a bit taller in your seat, raising your eyebrows expectantly and opening your mouth as if to speak, but never actually achieving more than a single ‘um’ when they walk past.
  9. You give up and go up to the counter. They tell you that someone will come and take your order. You return sheepishly to your table. You feel ashamed.
  10. Eventually someone comes to order. You are very happy. So happy, in fact, that you forget what you actually wanted in the first place, and panic order a double espresso and a large coffee cake. You don’t like coffee, but you consume all of it, because it was expensive.
  11. You start to enjoy the atmosphere. Children are laughing. ‘This is nice’, you think to yourself. ‘I like it here.’
  12. Eventually you leave, having forgotten all about the stresses of your earlier experience. You decide to come back again soon.
  13. The cycle repeats.

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Quiz: Which Gilmore Girl are you?

Anyone who has ever seen an episode of Gilmore Girls will have dreamt of living in Stars Hollow. From its perfectly twinkling fairy lights, to its omnipresent troubadour, the town has it all and then some. But the real question is, which Gilmore Girl would you be if you did live there? Take this quiz to reveal the truth. Keep track of your answers as you go, and add them up at the end for your results!

1. You have been sat in a restaurant for nearly twenty minutes, but no one has come to take your order yet. What do you do?

  • a) Sit patiently until you’re served. The restaurant is busy and you’re in no rush, anyway.
  • b) Steal some snacks from a passing tray and hope that no one will notice, before coughing loudly and persistently to attract the waiter’s attention.
  • c) You’re already halfway out the door in disgust.

2. You notice that a police car is signalling for you to pull over. You stop, but you don’t think you’ve been driving illegally, so…

  • a) You apologise profusely and promise never to break the law again. You still feel bad about it sometimes.
  • b) You smile coyly at the police officer, give him your best innocent face and bat your eyelashes a few times for good measure. He even stops to wave you goodbye.
  • c) You explain, very courteously, that you have somewhere to be, before slamming your foot on the accelorator and driving away. 

3. The new cashier at Doose’s Market has charged you the wrong amount for the bag of potatoes you just bought. You heard someone mention that it’s his first day. Do you…

  • a) Just pay the extra money. It was only a dollar, anyway. You don’t want him to feel bad on his first day.
  • b) Go back and explain the problem reasonably. He’ll understand. You’ll make sure to tell him not to worry about it.
  • c) Go back fuming, demand to speak to the manager and suggest that he train his staff properly next time.

4. You have a very important exam coming up soon. How do you prepare?

  • a) You have already been planning and preparing for weeks, if not months, in advance. You know you’ll ace this one.
  • b) Exam?! How much time do I have left?! After finally accepting your fate, you pull an all-nighter the night before the test.
  • c) You begrudgingly prepare, but you can’t help but think that you could be paying someone to do this for you.

5. You just got home from a long day, and you realise that there’s no food left in the house. What do you do?

  • a) Order Chinese food from Al’s Pancake World. Naturally.
  • b) Order a burger and fries, a pot of ice cream and a jug of coffee from Luke’s to get you through the midnight movie marathon you’ve been planning all day.
  • c) Have the maid whip you something up, sharpish.

6. You have a party tonight, but you’re still not sure what to wear. What do you go for in the end?

  • a) Something pretty and floral, but nothing too bold.
  • b) Are sequins okay?
  • c) Timeless elegance.

7. The Stars Hollow Knit-A-Thon is tomorrow, but someone’s just dropped out and they’ve asked if you could take their place?

  • a) You suppose so, if you’re doing them a favour. It could be fun, anyway.
  • b) You’ve already been signed up for weeks!
  • c) You have better ways to spend your time than participating in this ridiculous small-town hooliganism. No, thank you.

Ready for your results?

Mostly As: Rory Gilmore. Kind, clever and a lot more sensible than most, you make sure to look out for the people around you. You don’t want to make a fuss, but you can stand up for yourself if you really need to. You have life well and truly under control.

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Warner Bros/ Tenor

Mostly Bs: Lorelai Gilmore. Larger than life and quick with your wits, you know what you want and you reach out and grab it by the horns. Sometimes you make it up as you go along, but that’s not to say it doesn’t work. Just keep doing you.

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Warner Bros/ Tenor

Mostly Cs: Emily Gilmore. You refuse to let anyone mess you around, and you like your standards high. Somewhere in there there’s a soft side, too. Deep down.

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Warner Bros/ Tenor smitty233

Cover Image: Gilmore Girls/Entertainment Weekly